Connie Black, 40 years old
I've learned that relationships mirror our beliefs back to us. In other words, the patterns that occur in romantic love are clues to what we believe about ourselves and relationships. I know this concept through and through. I've dedicated my life to helping others transform their relationships by changing their internal realities. Even though all this is true, you better believe I still felt annoyed, frustrated and disheartened when dating unavailable men man I was intimately involved with began to feel "unavailable" to me.
And most of all, absent emotionally unavailable men have no time or patience for this romance stuff the chicks are after. They are charming, broken, brooding, or drunk. As a woman dating an emotionally distant man, you run the risk of being shut down repeatedly and every effort you make to get dating unavailable men can be rebuffed. Your dilemma is oh-so-familiar to me.
Unfortunately, because of past pain and hurt some men will retreat and not connect with others. At the most basic level, if a man is emotionally unavailable it means that he is not whole enough or ready to be involved in a committed relationship. Or, he is not willing to be in ANY relationship with a romantic twist. The first is to address the issues to them and encourage them to professional help or leave. Remember, there is no middle ground. Eventually, you will push your relationship into the unhealthy spectrum, which will lead to relationship breakdown.
More about dating unavailable men:
Clue 1: He directly says it to YOU. Yes, men typically mean what they say and say what they mean. Drop the selective hearing, ladies, and start listening to the men you date immediately! One of the biggest fears of this type of man is becoming lost in a relationship and losing his freedom. It rarely to never happens. Clue 2: He is in a dating unavailable men with someone else.
Despite your best efforts to get them to open up, you always end up hurt and frustrated that they never reciprocate the affection or love you feel for them. So why do emotionally unavailable men exist? He may have experienced trauma that he bottled up over a lifetime, which can make being vulnerable again a challenge. This is entirely on him. He may be great in a crisis, but when it comes to opening up about his feelings even his disappointment of his football team losing the Super Bowlthis man seems incapable of emotional expression. When something happens that you believe should have a significant emotional reaction his dog died, his brother ran over his foot with the car, his roommate drank his beerprod him gently for a dating unavailable men. But how are you really feeling about it? What gives with that behavior? I think the primary reason emotionally unavailable men can be self-centered is that they can control the conversation.
Have you ever met someone who "romantically" knocked you off your feet -- as in "Hi Mom and Dad But, sadly, a few months later, your conversation changed to, "I can't believe he turned out to be so emotionally unavailable, and commitment-phobic. There are people who chronically meet and date individuals who, at first, seem so perfect for a warm, loving relationship. But when those same "in love" people take off their rose colored glasses, they realize the person they thought was Mr.